" Many are the plansin a man's heart,
but it is the LORD's purpose
that prevails."
-- Proverbs 19:21 (NIV)
"'...the joy of the LORD
is your strength.'"
-- Nehemiah 8:10b (NIV)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Do you ever feel like everything in your life is upside down? Like no matter what you do, it'll be bad? From relationships to career and everything in between, it just seems like every step you take is wrong? I've been feeling a bit like that lately. In the midst of it, I've had some revelations. Through the openness and honesty of some good friends and with some insights from the Lord I've gained some perspective. I haven't really learned anything new, but some things that had been milling around in my brain finally clicked. Sometimes I'm slow to take a hint...
I'm realizing that I'm a selfish, greedy control freak. These traits are exhibited in my world through self-centeredness, jealousy, ungratefulness and manipulation, just to name a few. I've been desperately searching for a fix, something that will make my life seem fulfilling. I've been trying to control the world around me to make it more like the utopia that lives in my imagination. Whether it be trying to rely too much on people I love, to the point of hurting them, or drowning myself in movies and TV shows or overindulging in food, and not the healthy stuff, I've been trying so hard to fill the empty places in my life. I know I just wrote about this a little over a week ago, but I like I said, sometimes I'm a slow learner... "... [God is] truly the only option. He's the missing puzzle piece. The only one that really fits in that place." That concept finally hit home this week. It's nothing that I haven't heard before, many times, but it finally worked it's way into my heart.
Lord, thank you for all of the blessings you've placed in my life. Forgive my selfishness, greed and my attempts to control the world around me. Thank you for friends who are willing to stick by me when I'm acting so foolishly. Lord, I surrender my life wholly into your hands. Help me to keep focused on You and give me the courage to trust that You have all of the details of my life in Your hands. May "...the joy of the LORD [be my] strength."
I'm realizing that I'm a selfish, greedy control freak. These traits are exhibited in my world through self-centeredness, jealousy, ungratefulness and manipulation, just to name a few. I've been desperately searching for a fix, something that will make my life seem fulfilling. I've been trying to control the world around me to make it more like the utopia that lives in my imagination. Whether it be trying to rely too much on people I love, to the point of hurting them, or drowning myself in movies and TV shows or overindulging in food, and not the healthy stuff, I've been trying so hard to fill the empty places in my life. I know I just wrote about this a little over a week ago, but I like I said, sometimes I'm a slow learner... "... [God is] truly the only option. He's the missing puzzle piece. The only one that really fits in that place." That concept finally hit home this week. It's nothing that I haven't heard before, many times, but it finally worked it's way into my heart.
Lord, thank you for all of the blessings you've placed in my life. Forgive my selfishness, greed and my attempts to control the world around me. Thank you for friends who are willing to stick by me when I'm acting so foolishly. Lord, I surrender my life wholly into your hands. Help me to keep focused on You and give me the courage to trust that You have all of the details of my life in Your hands. May "...the joy of the LORD [be my] strength."
photo (c) 2006 by DKF
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